My name is Zach W., and I still suffer from the Disease.
In the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I identify as an alcoholic. In the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, I call myself an addict. Whichever meeting I’m in, I choose to respect that fellowship. I don't see any contradictions in doing so because, to me, all addictions are merely different sides of the same coin. I’m not someone who sees a big difference between drug addiction and alcoholism. A metaphor I use to describe this is that one person may have brain cancer, another person skin cancer, but it’s all still cancer. My experience with addiction is that someone who suffers from the Disease needs to abstain from all mind- and mood-altering substances in order to truly Recover. That's the program that I work. I don't have a bunch of different sobriety or clean time birthdays, just one. It's August 21st, 2008.
In July 2009, I posted a short essay about my experience as a drug addict in Recovery. I wrote about surviving multiple suicide attempts, how it feels to live with the mental chaos of addiction, and how the Disease never stops trying to kill those of us who suffer from it. The positive encouragement I offered in that writing to other addicts in Recovery profoundly affected them. The response I got after writing it encouraged me to keep on writing. In time, I set up this blog and began writing about my experience, strength, and hope on a regular basis.
The Disease manifests itself as addiction to substances, but that is only one of many symptoms. Addiction is also a way of thinking, a way of behaving, and of dealing with ourselves, the other people in our lives, and the world around us. The medical field is waking up to the idea that addiction is a brain disease, one where our survival instincts have become warped. Current research continues to show that it is a medical problem, not a moral deficiency.
While that may be true, I believe a truer way to describe the Disease is how it’s discussed in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous--as a spiritual malady. The Disease may manifest as a problem of the mind, of the body, but it is our very souls which are the most in need of healing. The 12 Steps were created as a way to achieve a spiritual awakening; that is why they work regardless of what someone is addicted to.
There is a big difference between sobriety and Recovery. Those of us who succeed in getting clean and sober discover all too soon that our problem isn’t really substances at all. Our ways of dealing with life don’t work, regardless of whether we’re intoxicated or not. The 12 Step program offers us a way of living that does work--if we work it.
‘TOTD’ is an ecumenical blog, meaning that I don’t write specifically about the Disease as it pertains to alcoholics, or speed freaks, or potheads, or heroin users. No matter how the Disease has manifested in us, the program of Recovery is the same. You won’t find many war stories in these pages. I don’t really write about addiction; I write about Recovery from it.
Zach W.
Fall, 2012
P.S. Life is very full for me these days. I don't write on this blog as frequently as I used to. If it's your first time here, and the latest entry isn't recent, I recommend using the search field in the upper left hand corner of the main page. The entire history of the blog is indexed and searchable; if I've written about your topic, those previous blog entries will come up. I'm also always open to topic suggestions and welcome comments. It warms my heart every time I learn how my words have helped others.
In the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I identify as an alcoholic. In the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, I call myself an addict. Whichever meeting I’m in, I choose to respect that fellowship. I don't see any contradictions in doing so because, to me, all addictions are merely different sides of the same coin. I’m not someone who sees a big difference between drug addiction and alcoholism. A metaphor I use to describe this is that one person may have brain cancer, another person skin cancer, but it’s all still cancer. My experience with addiction is that someone who suffers from the Disease needs to abstain from all mind- and mood-altering substances in order to truly Recover. That's the program that I work. I don't have a bunch of different sobriety or clean time birthdays, just one. It's August 21st, 2008.
In July 2009, I posted a short essay about my experience as a drug addict in Recovery. I wrote about surviving multiple suicide attempts, how it feels to live with the mental chaos of addiction, and how the Disease never stops trying to kill those of us who suffer from it. The positive encouragement I offered in that writing to other addicts in Recovery profoundly affected them. The response I got after writing it encouraged me to keep on writing. In time, I set up this blog and began writing about my experience, strength, and hope on a regular basis.
The Disease manifests itself as addiction to substances, but that is only one of many symptoms. Addiction is also a way of thinking, a way of behaving, and of dealing with ourselves, the other people in our lives, and the world around us. The medical field is waking up to the idea that addiction is a brain disease, one where our survival instincts have become warped. Current research continues to show that it is a medical problem, not a moral deficiency.
While that may be true, I believe a truer way to describe the Disease is how it’s discussed in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous--as a spiritual malady. The Disease may manifest as a problem of the mind, of the body, but it is our very souls which are the most in need of healing. The 12 Steps were created as a way to achieve a spiritual awakening; that is why they work regardless of what someone is addicted to.
There is a big difference between sobriety and Recovery. Those of us who succeed in getting clean and sober discover all too soon that our problem isn’t really substances at all. Our ways of dealing with life don’t work, regardless of whether we’re intoxicated or not. The 12 Step program offers us a way of living that does work--if we work it.
‘TOTD’ is an ecumenical blog, meaning that I don’t write specifically about the Disease as it pertains to alcoholics, or speed freaks, or potheads, or heroin users. No matter how the Disease has manifested in us, the program of Recovery is the same. You won’t find many war stories in these pages. I don’t really write about addiction; I write about Recovery from it.
Zach W.
Fall, 2012
P.S. Life is very full for me these days. I don't write on this blog as frequently as I used to. If it's your first time here, and the latest entry isn't recent, I recommend using the search field in the upper left hand corner of the main page. The entire history of the blog is indexed and searchable; if I've written about your topic, those previous blog entries will come up. I'm also always open to topic suggestions and welcome comments. It warms my heart every time I learn how my words have helped others.